I have been going through my facebook account and found some journalling from a few years ago. Thought I would put it on this blog, along with an update on my progress.
Well today starts the journey of my gastric banding surgery. I will enter hospital tomorrow 14.11.11. Today I must follow a clear fluid diet, ready for surgery. This is going to be hard, cos I know I am going to be starving by the time I get to the hospital. (Tummy grumbles as I write)
It hasn’t been an easy decision to make but one that I know will be the best for me. While I am always complimented on the way I dress and very kind comments that I never look my age, my daughter is always asked if we are sisters, that is very flattering and I do know how to take a compliment, this really isn’t about what you see on the outside. I have not come to this decision lightly.
This decision was made to improve the number of years I get to live this beautiful life I have and to minimise the risk of becoming a diabetic, as my Dad already has Diabetes. I also have a family history of high blood pressure and there has been heart attacks. I find that I already have trouble with the circulation in my legs and the swollen ankles. I suffer with a bad back and depression, which have all been linked to being overweight, so I find that as I head towards my 40th birthday, that I want to slide into my 40’s in great shape and health. I plan to be here for long time to spend my partner’s money, travel the world and piss off my children and probably my family, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I hope to document my daily achievements and struggles everyday and that you will all live the journey with me. I will post pics to show the progress. Its quite a shock to see and I feel like I am laying myself bare but I couldn’t do this without the photo’s. They show the reality.
Must go and drink some more water and finish cleaning the house, as I won’t be able to when I get home.
Start weight 118.5kg
2 Days after Surgery
Well its 2 days after my surgery and I am up and moving around. I am feeling ok but am experiencing pain and bouts of gas. So that is not comfortable. I also feel very tired today, guess the surgery and moving about has worn me out. Otherwise my body is just saying rest, rest , rest. Its kind of nice to have family waiting on me hand and foot, that doesn’t happen often. I am so glad we bought our new couch, its been a god send, it will be my bed for the next few days, until the swelling etc goes down.
Looking forward to eating some pumpkin soup that Crystal has made for me, will be nice to have a bit of substance. All this liquid , the only place I visit is the toilet.
Well I don’t want to push myself too much , so I’m going to sign off now and visit the toilet once again…lol
Til next time, thanks for all your love and support.
Day 5 Post surgery
Well its been a couple of days since I have posted, so I thought I would share how I’m feeling.
Today I’m feeling a little low. I am home alone today. Dave and Crystal are both at work today. So looks like I will have to get a bit more mobile and cook for the boys tonight. That is going to be a struggle, as I can’t eat any of it. Even though I don’t feel hungry, it feels weird not eating what I cook. I know that Dave also feels guilty eating in front of me.
Well I have been able to sleep in my bed and not on the lounge for the last 2 days, but that dreaded pain in my shoulder and arm has kicked in. It started yesterday and it woke me during the night. I have been dosing up on panadol and using a hot water bottle but it sure does hurt. One of the side effects of being under anesthesia. It is caused from the gas they pump into the stomach to help move your organs around. I thought I had escaped it but not so lucky. I hate being in pain, it makes me feel miserable. I am also feeling tired today, more so than yesterday. Probably the broken sleep, the fact that I had to kick Dave out of bed for the snoring and he happened to hit me in the stomach in his sleep didn’t help the pain factor. Not that he even realised he had done it. He remembers nothing even when I wake him as he is so drowsy when he wakes. I sure do hope that they find a cure for sleep apnea one day. He and I would get much better quality of sleep.
I am eating more over the last couple of days. I have advanced to tomato soup, pumpkin soup and frozen fruit and yoghurt. I even managed to eat pureed apple but that was a bit of a struggle, as I normally only eat that on some roast pork. I will cherish the day I can eat more substantial meals, but I am following everything by the book, to optimise the most benefit from the band. Essentially I have to think of this as a tool and that I need to learn how to use it as a tool , like a mechanic would learn to use a spanner.
Well as I sign off , my stomach grumbles, so better go find something to snack on and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
Many Jovial wishes to you all
Day 6 Post surgery
What a great day I have had today. I woke up with a spring in my step, because today I was ventured out of the house and got to socialise/chat/gossip and maybe do a little scrap booking.
I have to say though it was very strange not packing snacks and lunch to share with everyone, instead I had to pack my own little lunchbox with pumpkin soup, cream of chicken soup and stewed apples, along with 2 bottles of water and juice. I felt like the new kid in school that had no friends and there was no way anyone was swapping lunches with me.
Boy oh boy was I having second thoughts about having the band in today after smelling and seeing the buffet of food on offer for lunch and dinner. Good thing it only takes 200ml of liquid to fill me up, cheap date!!! but I certainly was thinking …man I wish I could have a blocked nose right at this point in time.
Light bulb moment : I know now though that food was in control of me, not me in control of food. So slowly but surely I will be in control of that food.
I want to say a big thanks for your words of encouragement and for following my journey, even though its only just the beginning and that you will still be there when it ends. May your journey continue to be a happy and healthy one….my gorgeous fan (stalker) …LOL
Jovial hugs n kisses
Day 10 Post Surgery
Well today is the day that I can move onto more substance in my food and not so much liquid….but ssshhhh don’t tell anyone I started yesterday 🙂
Yesterday I had my first potato and mash…OMG it was so good it was almost sinful. Mind you I really new what it was like to be hungry yesterday. Spending the day in a hot box (tin shed) in 36 degree heat, I really didn’t have a problem drinking that bottle of water!!! The biggest problem I had was what to eat for lunch??? Burger, chips, hotdog?? Ummm no….I had icecream 🙂 …it was really good too and enough to get me through the day, but I sure was looking forward to something more filling. That’s where the potato and mash came in….who would of thought KFC would be on the agenda..lol, but they have the best mash and gravy and just the right size for me 🙂 Fridge is now stocked.
On return home, it was then off to fill the cupboards before my poor family become shadows of their former self’s…kind of forgot there for a minute that they still eat!!! So rest assured they won’t fade away now…cupboards full..
Crystal then cooked tortilla’s for the crew, they smelt so good…Dave hoovered his off the plate. I then had Crystal blend the mince mixture and mix it with my potato and gravy, I know sounds gross and wasn’t sure if I would be able to eat it, but it was SO GOOD!! Loved it. I wasn’t able to eat it all though, as I only got half way through and I was full….I am so looking forward to eating a normal diet again and the fact that now the tiniest bowl of food fills me up…I can finally see that skinny girl in the very near future. I also went for my first walk today, it may have only been 15mins but man did it feel great, nothing beats fresh air and the cool breeze on a warm barmy night….oh and the company of a wonderful man helps 🙂 and the motivation of a certain busy little gardening dynamo!!!!
I am now off to enjoy my breakfast….UP & GO Chocolate…mmmmm got to get the chocolate in there somewhere 🙂
Have a wonderful day and thank you for riding this wonderful life changing journey with me
Love you all
2 weeks post surgery
Well I’m two weeks into my journey and I am so pleased with my progress. I have managed to lose 5.5kg in the last 2 weeks. I have been following my diet as per instructions and I am really glad that I haven’t had any up chucks….me and vomit don’t go together..and I plan to keep it that way.
Today I walked to the school for Blayde’s enrollment appt and then walked home. I had the keys in my hand to take the car and then had to give myself a kick in the butt and say to myself, don’t be lazy use what your mumma gave you and let your legs take you there. It may have taken me 10 mins instead of 2 but it was such a nice walk and the fresh air was great for the lungs!!! I certainly puff a bit at the moment but I know that eventually I will be able to walk without puffing…lugging around 112kg is not easy.
Last night we called into friends to visit who we haven’t seen in over 6 months and ended up staying for dinner. She made the most amazing curry. I know one thing I am certainly tasting every morsel that goes into my mouth and enjoying every minute of it. I certainly have a greater appreciation of food. When you have to chew it 30 times before you swallow it, you kind of have no choice but to savour it. I think I’m really going to enjoy this journey with my food. Exercise on the other hand not so enjoyable but I know without it I will not be able to complete this journey and maintain the weight loss. So walking it is until a few more kilos have disappeared and then I will venture out of my comfort zone and try some other forms of exercise. Maybe its time to call my brother and see if he needs a team mate for beach volleyball…that sounds like fun 🙂
I have set myself a goal to lose 10kg by Xmas. I sure do hope I can reach it.
I want to say thanks to all of those who have wished me well and sent messages of support. I am very appreciative of your support.
Its been a few days since I journalled so here I am.
Its the beginning of December and I have managed to buy presents for the nieces and nephews, Blayde and my siblings. I still have to buy for Crystal, Dave and Mum and Dad…..argghhh I really don’t enjoy Xmas shopping…why can’t we celebrate on Boxing Day after the sales..so much cheaper and we could buy more 🙂
Well I have started to eat normal food again. I have been experimenting. I managed to eat a crumpet for breaky yesterday with lots of butter and honey …opps my bad!!! but I tell ya it was so worth it…mmmm. I then tackled a weight watchers meal….beef hot pot. That was so yummy. I also managed to eat 1 triangle of wholemeal ham and tomato sandwich. I left the crust. That was very enjoyable. Mind you sitting there chewing food 30 times before I swallow, I think it would take me 20 minutes to eat half a sandwich. I feel like a cow chewing its cud. Hope I don’t look like one.
I have also really been trying to remember to drink water, I just wish it tasted much better than it does, but now with the nice warm weather we have been having, I can drink it really cold from the fridge.
Dave and I have also been enjoying our walks in the evening. We get to hold hands and chat about our days without little ears flapping. Our time to relax and breathe the fresh air. Its so nice to have that little slice of time out. I also have an ulterior motive, Dave is getting into shape too 🙂 I know he is not happy with the way he looks, so hopefully these walks will help him shift those extra kilos he has gained since living with me 🙂 He must be happy…don’t they say when your in a good relationship you gain weight…well I know that is the truth in my case.
Next week I have my first fill. I am a bit apprehensive as I don’t want to be bringing anything back up. Oh well guess I won’t know until its done. That is when the real fun will begin and I will know what I can and can’t eat. Looking forward to that…..not!!
Well I have taken some more pics in my lovely bathers. I suppose others will see the difference but because I have to look at myself everyday, I don’t see any. I am hoping that by taking the pics I will see a difference in the next few months.
Well I want to take this opportunity to say I hope you all have a wonderful Xmas and a fantastic new year and that those resolutions you make help you continue to enrich your journey..
Time again to share with you all.
Saturday night Dave and I had a Xmas dinner to go to for one of his customers. I was really looking forward to it, as I only email these clients, so its nice to put names to faces but as I entered the wardrobe to find something to wear I had a mini meltdown. Here I was trying on pants and dresses and nothing fit!!! I just started crying and getting annoyed that here I was nearly 7 kgs lighter and my clothes still didn’t fit. I went straight into that place where I just hate myself and felt like I was still a ompa lumpa!!! I was in such a state. Dave came and gave me a hug and said that I could wear a paper bag and still knock them over with my beauty!!! Gotta love that man. I know that Dave will never understand that pressure I place on myself, but he always makes me smile and feel great about myself, just wish he would listen to his own advice sometimes. So I sucked it up, pulled out clothes that fit me and by the time I had finished dressing I actually took a look in the mirror and said…yep you pass!!!
We had a very enjoyable evening, even though most of the employee’s were in their 60’s, I did manage to get Dave on the dance floor and let me tell you that is a very big achievement..he doesn’t dance!!! Mind you the sights that were on the dance floor he had nothing to worry about!!! Old ladies in mini dresses, Old men doing some kind of funky chicken dance, scratching the floor and pecking the air…I really should of packed the camera!!
Dinner was a struggle though. Finger food of sausage rolls, spring rolls, quiche, squid rings and wedges. I really didn’t have much of an option. I really should of eaten before we left. Then I also had the dilemma of what do I drink..no alcohol, no soft drink….awwwhh thank goodness for OJ..but I really was hanging out for drink…patience really is a virtue!!! So I managed to drink juice and water and wedges, cheese and biscuits had to suffice for dinner. Lucky is doesn’t take much to fill me up 🙂
So now begins another week. I wonder what it will bring me. My first fill on Friday. Then I guess the fun will begin!!!
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. Much appreciated.
I have attached a photo showing my weight loss. Once I put them side by side I could see a difference, so next month I should see more of a difference 🙂
4 weeks on
Well again I share my thoughts with you all.
Friday saw me off to the doctors to get my first fill. I was a little scared going in as I don’t like the thought of needles and not knowing how much it was going to hurt. I was hoping Dave was going to be there to hold my hand but unfortunately as it was not in his holey bible , that being his diary , it seemed it had completely slipped his mind but he did show up 5 minutes before I was called in , covered in oil looking like he had rolled around in the grease pit. I was glad to see him but mortified that he had entered overalls and all into the surgery…I think the look on my face would of told him that while I was glad to see him and his support was appreciated, I couldn’t tell him to get out of there fast enough.
So I had to weigh in and the Dr was extremely pleased with my progress. I have lost 6kgs since my last visit to the surgery. So that 10kg loss by Xmas is looking good.
When I entered the room, my Dr was like “right lets do this” …I told him that I was scared about the whole process and he then proceeded to say “nothing to it” and then had me in fits of laughter about the subject of pants and how the younger generation wears them. He was saying that these days they are lucky to cover the pubic hairs and how while eating his fish and chips recently , that some young females had sat across from him at the table and the whole time all he kept thinking was “Please don’t do crack”!!!! So in the process of sharing , he had me laughing. This allowed me to relax and that helped with the whole process of needle and fluid..I don’t know why I was so worried. While it stung a little, the whole thing was over in a matter of seconds. The nurse was then shoving cold water in my face saying drink this. The reason being that they can tell if the amount of fluid is correct. So if you happen to chuck , then they know that they need to take some out. So after I had finished being his pin cushion , it was on to see the dietician to check on my progress with food. My only question to her was , when can I have alcohol??? LOL….a girl has to celebrate 🙂 So that night I sat down to a very nice glass of red wine ( which if you know me, I don’t normally drink wine) but I have found a wine that I can drink. Brown Brothers Cienna. Love it!!
So I am now back to eating a normal diet again and loving it but finding that I struggle to eat even a cup full of food. Which is great. Makes for a slimmer me 🙂
Well guess I had better go and get something ready for dinner. What to have??? Think I will get the slow cooker out and make a casserole. Very fitting for this disgusting weather we are having. Where is the sunshine?? I want summer!!!
Thanks for your support. I appreciate it very much. I want to wish you all a wonderful Xmas and hope you have a fantastic New Year and I know that one of my resolutions will certainly be accomplished in 2012.
Breaking Old Habits
Well I would like to take this opportunity to extend my sincerest wishes to you all for Christmas and may your New Year start with a Bang!!!
It is now 35 days since my surgery and I am feeling great. I am very thankful that I have been able to eat all of the same food that I was enjoying before the surgery. Just now its in much smaller portions.
Sunday morning I decided to cook my wonderful pancakes for the family. I sat down to eat and I was really looking forward to devouring my pancakes but one mouthful and I was instantly running to the toilet. I have never experienced instant nausea like that before. I am very thankful that I never up chucked but I won’t be making that mistake again. The problem is I now need to work out how to make my pancakes flatter, as I am pretty sure they were too thick for me to tolerate 🙁 So this is the only negative experience I have had and one I don’t ever intend to experience again. Me and vomit – not a great combination. It certainly makes you stop and think about the process of eating and making sure that you definitely have that glass of water beforehand. I am very mindful now of going through the process and doing it correctly and not being so blase’ about it. It is amazing how quickly you fall back into old habits. So I am really happy with my decision to do this. I know that I would of just been going through the motions and trying to find the motivation knowing full well that I would never of got off my fat lazy arse and just kept eating crap with the delusion that “oh I’m not really that big am I?” Until I was buying a size larger in clothing again and blaming the companies and saying the sizes are getting smaller, so I need to buy my clothes a size larger.
I can honestly say though that some days I still have these thoughts. It really can be a struggle programming the brain to not think that way. I’m not sure I agree that it only takes 30 days to break a habit, mine is more like 23 years of always seeing myself through the eyes of a larger woman. Its really hard to think or imagine myself slimmer. I think I will always see that “fat” girl in the mirror.
I still believe though Beauty is from within and that can never be altered. You either have it or you don’t.
To those of you on your own journey’s with self discovery and making your body healthy, I wish you every success and I look forward to hearing about your accomplishments. Stay strong. We will get there 🙂
Love, Peace and Happiness