17 January 2012 ·
Old habits die hard!!!
If I am going to be completely honest and lay it all out there, I need to keep it real. I have really struggled over the Xmas and New Year period. I started to fall back into old habits – take a rest today from exercise (sore back)
– this little block of chocolate won’t hurt
– sure I can have a frozen coke
– those hot chips look good and they are from fit chips
– another alcoholic drink won’t matter
and the whole time thinking, I really shouldn’t be doing this but it’s Xmas!! but that all came to a screaming holt when I weighed in at the surgery and realised I had actually gained weight 🙁
I had to remember why I was doing this in the first place. Think of your health Jodie. This surgery is not going to help you if you continue to follow this path. It was also very depressing hopping on the scales and not seeing those numbers get any lower. It can be so disheartening.
So with renewed energy and a kick in the butt from myself, I have had some more fluid put into the band, thus restricting my intake again and I certainly got to experience that restriction on the weekend when I was at a bbq with friends. I was sick for the first time and I did not like it. It was very painful and I only managed to make it far enough to hide behind a vehicle parked in the parking lot before I was sick. I certainly hope no one saw it. Embarrassment plus.
I have also made a conscious effort to exercise every day. I love my new bike that Dave gave me for Xmas , so that has been getting a work out. We also take the dog out for a walk on the days when the knees need a rest from the bicycle.
While I know it is going to be hard work physically to get to my goals , it is more of a struggle mentally to think that I can achieve this. I just have to remember that I have lost over 7kgs in a 9 week period, so even though I don’t see it coming off dramatically it is coming off and now its only 43kgs to lose instead of 50kg.
So I will continue to tackle this every day and not be so hard on myself. I will eventually win this life long battle not to be overweight.
So with renewed determination I will continue to conquer my demons and know that it will be worth the struggle to get to the end result.
This was my last post that I wrote about my weight loss and the gastric band. So the last weight I left this post on I was siting on 105.5 kg
3 Years on….
Well I can’t believe that I didn’t continue to write these posts. As I reflect back on my notes, I recall how motivated and determined I was and realistically I should be writing this post and celebrating losing that 43kg….well unfortunately I have not accomplished that goal. In June of 2012 Dave and I went on a holiday to the United States for 3 months, so therefore I had them drain the fluid from my band so that I wouldn’t have any complications while I was away and that I would be able to eat. That was my undoing. I have not been able to get back on track.
During my time away I spent many days being sick and feeling nauseous all day. It was not an enjoyable experience. I started to wonder what I had got myself into and seriously thinking about having the band removed. On my return from the States, I went back to see my specialist and we tried putting fluid back in and at different levels and it seemed to work for a little while but I found that I was spending more time in the toilet than anywhere else. I even ended up in the emergency dept one evening, (as being as stubborn as I am and thinking I got this), spending 6 hours throwing up water. That is not normal and really is stupid to think that I would be ok. So the young intern drained it for me and it was instant relief. So back to the surgeon to make sure that when they drained the band , they had done it correctly. In the following weeks, another visit back to the surgeon again seeing about adjustments and I ended up back in his rooms having it drained, as I had spent another day throwing up liquid. It was then that I had the discussion with him about taking the band out and having the gastric sleeve. In hindsight after a 2 year struggle, I wish I had gone with this option in the first place. Unfortunately gastric banding has not worked for me.
I am now in the process of saving the money to have the surgery but until then I struggle every day to eat and not feel sick constantly. Over the last 6-12 months I have experienced bloating of my stomach and I suffer with constant belching. Just recently it has become very acidic and wakes me from my sleep, as I am struggling to breath and that is frightening.
Today my weight sits at 101.7kg. So the weight loss has not been drastic, but on the upside I haven’t gained any and I have lost some more weight. I don’t have as much trouble with my back and I no longer get swollen ankles.
I have bought a treadmill and I get up every morning and walk on that for 30mins and I am drinking more water than I ever have, hoping that this will help me from constantly being sick. I mentally need to kick myself in the arse and stay on the program and follow the procedures, so that I can manage this piece of equipment. I really have no one or nothing else to blame for this not working. I have been the biggest failure, as I let my guard down and got slack with the maintenance of my machinery.
So here’s to getting back on track and fine tuning this piece of machinery.
I will take an updated picture in the next couple of days to see the weight loss.
To those of you on your journey with weight loss, I wish you every success.
Keep the Faith